my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
