Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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