Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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