Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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