There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
