Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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