Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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