I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
