I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
