New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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