No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
