Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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