my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
