And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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