I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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