I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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