margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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