Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Boobs are out for the taking
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
