woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
