I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
