While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
