Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You took a bar mat shot.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
