I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize