doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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