called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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