Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
