I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
