That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
