you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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