Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
