how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
