i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
