I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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