i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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