well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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