your parents love me but you hate me
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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