Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
