If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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