I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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