does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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