Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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