i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
