she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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