I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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