Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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