its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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