Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
