and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
