Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
