My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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