If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
