We're facebook friends in real life
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She even gives head with a lisp.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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