I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize