very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
In other news, I just burned my penis
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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