If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
