What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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