I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
