There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
