i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
