3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
