too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
