Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize