You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
