Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
