I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
