I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
