Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
