I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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