Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
